I want to write about how I feel sometimes, about how I get within certain moments, you know be very real about who I really I am, what I feel, how it affects me..you know all that. Truth is, I haven’t been able to vent properly, for the past few months, my emotions have been going from happy, sad, perky and later to very dark, nope I am not pregnant nor am I being hormonal. Sometimes, I feel nothing, I look at a little child, all tears, mucus and very big round eyes staring at me and I feel nothing, no little warmth in my heart not even a tiny flutter in my tummy. These are things that I have always lived for the sweet smiles of babies, their big beautiful eager eyes and all that rainbow stuff but of late, it doesn’t seem to affect me. Lately I look at someone and actually see them being mauled by a lion or ran over by a Fuso truck, no I am not psychotic, if I was I would cutting up someone’s pictures or setting their clothes on fire, or maybe I have done that before. I look at a pregnant woman and I am like ” someone came in her..” Then of course when she demands special treatment because she is carrying another life, I always feel like yelling at her about how she aint the first woman to get pregnant and how no one asked her to open her legs. Of course, then there’s the sun, it gets so irritatingly hot that there are times I want to shoot daggers at it but then they would burn midway and wouldn’t reach that hell ball. The men, the irritating males with their grabby hands, insatiable eyes or something, the way they keep prancing around like the world belongs to them, choosing what defines women and shit around them. Then the stupid women that easily go for it, you know believe that they aint good enough unless a man approves them to be. Stupid rain and showing up randomly, that impromptu shit is what I hate. I am not an angry person, actually I am, go on judge me all you want, I am not going to be moved but when I see you, I will sit down and stare at you, judge you too and I am also the jury…..and the grinchess.