Strange, I have not had the guts to write or type anything since the year begun. My mind has been all over the place, nobody warned me that in your last few months of being 24 years you start seeing everything with a microscope, I started being too aware of what I am doing and what I haven’t achieved. I have always been aware of my plans and my goals.
I have always been hard on myself because of my failures, whenever I stumbled there was going to be an emotional beat up of some sorts in my heart, my brain will run all the possible reasons as to why I shouldn’t have made that fall, all the chances I wasted because I was concentrating on one thing.
I am a perfectionist, in my work I will try to push myself and sometimes I push too hard that I end up having things explode in my face.
I would love to go back to 5 years of age and hide on Mom’s lap when shit gets real, cry till Kukhu(Grandmother in Lugisu, my mother tongue) Petwa handed me some gooseberries to cheer me up. To be that girl with no care in the world as I helped Kuka (Grandfather) Perez paint his artwork on the verandah of our house.
It is such a nostalgic thing but alas, it is all but a dream that seems to be too far gone because I am a woman now, I have dreams and goals set. All these that I have not even started on, I have an example to set for the ones that follow me, I want them to know that even if the road you take is not the one most walked, with hard work and determination they can do even better than they ever dreamed they could.
I want my parents to see that even if I refused to do law and become that Lawyer they always envisioned me to be, I can still pull my weight to the top with the talent they and God gave me. I want my children to never lack in anyway, to have a doting mother who will raise them and provide whatever they need… I want my husband to have a partner in every form of way not just a woman that lives from his hand to her mouth, for him to know I have my own and I have his back in every aspect.
Yes, I want to make me to look back and remember that I lived and worked hard to get where I am, not to have any regrets but to be happy in whatever I become, that is why I work hard and live with everyday that God gives me, I am a grown woman now and this is my year in Jesus name.
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