At one time in my life, I was one of those girls looking through the window at cute couples and I mean those annoying cute couples. You know the ones you look at and ask God why he just won’t send you the grace to have such a thing in your life, something so wondrous you also float on certain clouds without a care in the world. Yup, I was that girl and trust me you have been there but some of you love pretending to be the cool people who never go through situations that everyone else has gone through for fear of being part of the bandwagon. Then I met someone and realized a whole lot of things about relationships.
So that girl who wished someone could send her roses everyday at work like in the movies, throw a number of rose petals through the hallway to the bedroom covered with huge shopping bags full of gifts from “bae” and sometimes wondered when I would wake up and find a huge box of chocolates besides me with a fat bottle of wine and to be honest that girl is still in there deep inside sometimes she comes out gleefully when he surprises me with random cute things. I go like “BEST MAN EVER!!” Because most women (won’t speak for all of em) love being pampered, we love the sweet things he will do for you. Like every woman, I want a friend who is my biggest fan someone who knows your moods et al. And sometimes we have too many fantasies that we embellish just because social media has helped us build a number of them for our future partners.
Let’s get back to reality, relationships are more than beautiful envious posts you see on Instagram, a real relationship will have you being yourself without trying too hard or needing any sort of validation from the rest of the world. You will have a number of times when you have to defend the relationship to people because as they look from the outside into the inside, they don’t know why is going on so they will judge and comment like they understand yet the relationship is originally between two people. By the way, a relationship is that mutual agreement between evidently sane human beings to be with each other a way that is more than friendship but a haven for the two of them, whatever y’all get it. Now, I am sure you have read the part about “two people..”not three or four.. Just two people who want to be together but since we find other people’s lives more interesting we just get involved (very involved). So if you are the only one that assumes you are dating, you might have to confirm with the other human being that you are dating just to be sure if you are not making up things.
In an actual relationship, people let go of some high expectations of the other party and become understanding. The fact that sometimes we assume that we will end up with Idris Elba or his not so famous Ugandan twin is mostly one of my favorite fantasy as a woman yet when you meet a man these things will fall out of the window and you will see an actual human being with real feelings not the wet dream that gives you heavenly orgasms every night in your dreams. You have to learn that you are not perfect as a person, be appreciative of the people that love you, those people that take time to be there for you and to show you how special you are to them. You have to be ready to give love to receive it too, letting go of your insecurities and learning to care about others more than yourself. People love saying; “What if she breaks your heart?” But honey,what is if she doesn’t? Still what if she does? Things happen and you can’t just be too scared to live because the world is full of bad things. Stop seeing the bad in everything. CatherineLNJ on twitter said something about this generation not being able to see anything as long lasting (don’t remember the actual tweet) but it’s true, we never really see everything as long term and that’s not good at all. That is people seem to jump in out of “relationships” everyday just because things are not as rosy as they were at the start, thing is there will always be several storms and if you can’t face those storms with that person then it was not a relationship, just one of those random things that burnt out the way they started.
Whenever people share something on social media, of course they are not going to show you the hard work it took for them to become your relationship goals. You do not know what the Curry’s relationship went through to have their marriage intact or how the Obamas have made it this far. Why? Because we only see the smiles, kisses and huge public displays of affection and never the tears. That is how a relationship should be, figure out all your chinks in the bedroom away from prying eyes where no one should hear what is happening, yet sometimes they do end up coming out. These things between two people because there is always someone who is too petty to move on.
Now, at times we have those people that assume they should tell you about how to handle your relationship. People who feel like they should know how two people should operate when it comes to matters of the heart between the two of you. We all have these friends that will tell you that just because he doesn’t post you on social media or that just because you have not MCMd him ever since you joined instragram something is wrong with your relationship. Something is not right because you don’t do matchy matchy clothes whenever you go out together, that you shouldn’t trust her even if she seems to have a life of her own that is not wrapped in “our relationship…”
There’s always someone who wants to tell you they know more about your relationship more than the two of you who are in it, but why do you entertain their crap? Fuck them and their relationship goals! So what if its not so perfect, perfection is boring anyway! Who wants to be in a cliché love story? The boy meets girl and live happily without screaming at each other and having crazy make up WhatsApp convos? Who cares if the world thinks you don’t belong? Do what makes you happy.. What makes the two of you even more comfortable with each other because at the end of it all, its just the two of you that matter in your relationship. Make your own goals. Stop envying nonexistent relationship goals. Stop it!