Have you ever had a cry? Not the usual crying but that cry that comes from all the pain, frustration and anger that has been hiding deep in your heart.
That cry that rips you apart and you wail like a child. A cry so strong your body shakes in release.
I had one of those recently, I think finally it became too much. Everything around me seemed to be falling apart; the empty wallet, the joblessness, the non paying clients, the fact that everyone else’s lives seems to be moving in a good direction but yours seems to be stuck in a stagnant stage. You are neither going forward or leaping steps ahead. Just stuck, nothing happening.
I don’t even remember what brought the cry on but it lasted a whole 30 minutes. I lay in a fatal position on my couch and cried, hot wet tears flowing down my eyes sipping through the cushions with my pain. Someone could have thought I was really in physical pain from the way I seemed to be writhing on the couch clutching at the throw pillow with the grip of an angry tiger.
All that pent up anger, all those frustrating days when I got an appointment for a client only for some sleazy man to try and ask me to sleep with him instead. Yes, all the five months of disappointment, pain, stress, regret, frustration and anger of 2018 came flowing through my body slowly leaving with every heave and shake.
I cried so hard I felt my stomach tighten into knots of nausea, several trips to the bathroom and an hour later, I felt good.
I felt so free, like so much had lifted off my chest.
I am not fine yet, its going to be a long journey of healing and patience but, I am positive that God is working on my breakthrough. How do I know that? I have faith.
PS: The title is from the song “Beauty For Ashes.” The song was playing in my head when I wrote this article. ♥🌻